5 Things to Understand About Catholicism Before Pope Francis Gets Here

If you think children get excited when Santa Claus is coming to town, you should get a load of us Catholics anticipating Pope Francis' trip to the US. Certainly, there are little Catholic grannies everywhere just dusting off the good china, and considering taking the plastic covers off their couches, just in case.

No doubt the Media is really excited too, holding God-knows-how-many meetings about how to best flood your news feed with controversial stories about the Pope in our midst. So before you click on any of those links, you've done the right thing by clicking on this one. As a Catholic convert, and former news media professional, there are a few things I recommend keeping in mind while watching or reading the news--about the Pope, and about anything else for that matter.

1. Most news media professionals do not understand how Catholicism actually works. And so, they may not do a completely excellent job explaining what's going on. Catholics who understand the faith have to be particularly cautious when watching a secular news story about the Pope, because we are prone to certain head injuries--particularly, our eyeballs getting stuck backwards in the sockets from too much rolling, and self-inflicted palm strikes to the forehead. In a perfect world, journalists would understand everything they're talking about, and explain it all really well so we can understand it too. But usually, an American journalist discussing Catholicism is a lot like an American 9th grader trying to explain the French Revolution, and maaaaaybe earning a C+. This is not meant to be an insult to any of my friends and former colleagues still working in the news industry (Seriously, guys. Call me if you have any questions). It is a tough job, and I'm convinced that most journalists are trying their best to understand and explain this totally different paradigm from the one they are used to. So when you do end-up reading or watching anything about Pope Francis and the Catholic Church--or when you read or watch anything, for that matter--pay very close attention to the following:

• Who is talking?
• What are they trying to accomplish by saying what they're saying?
• What gives this person credibility about this subject?
• How much of the story am I getting? And from what angle?
• Is it possible that this information is being taken out of context?

Sometimes, some of the stuff in the secular media will be pretty alright. They're not total morons; actually pretty intelligent. There are two parts to their job, though--to inform you, and to get your ratings. So most of the things you hear should be taken, as they say, with a grain of salt. And sometimes, even an entire bowl of salted caramel popcorn may not be entirely inappropriate.

2. Not everything the Pope says is infallible. In fact, most of it isn't. This is one of the most misunderstood things about the Papacy (erudite word for "Pope-dome"). The Pope has a gift of infallibility which he can use to guide the church when necessary, but he is not an infallible person. This will become more clear in my next point, I think. Just know that we don't believe the Pope is a deity. His position is very important to the Church, and I personally think Pope Francis is a very holy and wise leader. Many others agree. We love his humility, trust his authenticity, and believe he has so much to teach us. But is he capable of making mistakes? Of course! And he might. But we still love him, and pray that the Holy Spirit continues to guide him in his effort to guide us through this time in human history. 

3. Other Catholic Bishops might not agree with the Pope on a few issues, and that's totally normal. I'm completely expecting the Media to lose their minds if they get wind of any interaction like this, and make crazy speculations as if the future of the Catholic Church is in jeopardy. So let me just go ahead and encourage everybody to calm down. Catholic Bishops are directly descended from the original 12 Apostles that you get to know in the Bible. Seriously, you can trace them all the way back. It's pretty cool! Anyway, the Pope is one of them. He takes Peter's position, or Peter's seat, if you will. In order to understand how these men relate to each other, it's helpful to consider how the Apostles related to each other in the New Testament--particularly the relationship between Peter and Paul. 

In Acts 15, we find Paul--an Apostle of Jesus Christ, though not one of the original 12--involved in a conflict about circumcision and whether or not it's still necessary for salvation. Everybody's in an uproar, so Paul and Barnabas travel afar and ask the Elders if the gentiles can keep their foreskin or what (roughly translated). There is a discussion about it, and then... Peter speaks. He gives this awesome speech that includes him saying, "We believe it is through the grace of our Lord Jesus that we are saved, just as they are" (Acts 15:11). So Paul and Barnabas go back and tell everybody what Peter said, and that is that. It's settled. The Church moves forward. 

This is an example of the first Head Apostle--what we now call The Pope--speaking on behalf of the Holy Spirit to clarify the faith in a way that cannot be disputed. This is how Papal Infallibility works on the rare occasions when it is necessary, and there are certain conditions that need to be met, which you can learn about if you want to study Catholicism. Keep in mind, too, that these first Christians did not have the Bible as we know it, because they were still busy being the Bible characters. The official collection of books we call The New Testament would not appear until several hundred years later. So this Apostolic authority was the only indisputable authority the first Christians had. 

Oh, but wait! What do we see in Galatians 2:11? Paul is getting all up in Peter's face about something! (Cephas is Peter, incase you didn't already know that.) Was Peter actually making a mistake? Maybe he was. He did that a lot in the Gospels, so I wouldn't put it past him at this point. It's debatable, and a conversation for another time, but Paul definitely seemed to think Peter was in the wrong. He argued with Peter publicly, and then wrote about it in a letter. So when we look at these two accounts in scripture, we see that Paul obviously understands and submits to Peter's authority as the leader, but still calls him out when he thinks he's in the wrong. And that's pretty much how it's been ever since. Sometimes, Popes make mistakes. Sometimes, it's the other Bishops. Sometimes, it could go either way, or both ways. But when it's time for the Holy Spirit to make an indisputable point about faith and morals, He has Peter sit everybody down and say, "Look, this is how it is." And that, my friends, is papal infallibility. 

4. Pope Francis is teaching Catholicism, not changing it. He's the first Pope from somewhere other than Europe for hundreds and hundreds of years. He's also the first Jesuit Pope, and the first Pope from the Americas. Of course he's got something different to bring to the table, and it's all very exciting to watch! But what he is teaching is already part of Catholicism. The word Catholic means universal, meaning it is a church for the whole human race. We've got everybody on this train from St. Augustine and St. Francis of Assisi to Blessed Mother Teresa to Stephen Colbert to the Italian Mafia bringing up our not-so-saintly caboose. We're united in our Apostolic Tradition, Holy Scripture, Sacraments and creeds, but we are a highly diverse people as well. What Pope Francis is doing is actually highlighting and bringing to public attention some lesser known aspects of our collective Catholic faith. He's definitely not reinventing it, though.

5. The Pope is not actually the main Head of the Church. He's the Head Bishop of the Church, yes. But make no mistake, Jesus Christ is still the Head of the Holy Roman Catholic Church. Not only do Catholics believe 1 Corinthians 12 and Colossians 1:18; we are the Church whose authority defined those verses as sacred scripture in the first place. You are welcome, all of Christendom! Removed from its context of the Apostolic Tradition, the Bible is super confusing and Christianity is all dysfunctional and schismatic and wearying. But the Catholic Church--the Original Church--is still very much a high functioning, living, breathing organism. Granted, it's an organism made of humans, and so in a lot of ways, it is just as messy as anything else involving humans. Yet, with Christ as the Head, we are one holy body with many parts that has necessarily evolved over the past 2,000 years (I don't know about you, but I started out as one cell, and then eventually grew limbs and more complexities that I've needed for survival).  This Body has one single genetic code that produces all different types of cells, tissue, organs and systems. In my understanding, the Pope and the rest of the Bishops function kind of like this Body's central nervous system, and the rest of the clergy are the smaller nerves that branch out every which way. They deliver vital messages from the brain to the rest of the body and back. They cause us to feel and sense things, both good and bad. They help us function and understand what's going on and what we're supposed to do about it. We get onto them about stuff. (We get on Jesus' nerves?) They help all of these individual cells function as one body. That's what makes the clergy so essential, and so highly valued. And that is also why it's so damaging when they are being dysfunctional. But make no mistake--Jesus is still the High Priest. He is still in charge, always has been, and always will be.  

So when Pope Francis comes up on the screen with a headline that says something like, "Pope Shocks Americans By Saying This and That", and you hear someone say, "Oh look! It's the God of the Catholics telling them their religion needs to change!" ...You can just stay calm, grab your bowl of salted caramel popcorn, and go over those questions from my first point again. Sound good?

If you're interested in learning more about the Papacy, I recommend reading Pope Fiction: 30 Myths and Misconceptions About the Papacy by Patrick Madrid. It's a fascinating read for anyone who just likes to know things about stuff. 

5 Logical Reasons to Consider Natural Family Planning

First things first. If you read the words Natural Family Planning in the title, and thought Rhythm Method, just stop. Stop it right now, and before you read on any further, know this:

Natural Family Planning is NOT the Rhythm Method.

In fact, it's pretty much the opposite. The Rhythm Method assumed that all women ovulate at the same, predictable time each cycle, which was obviously not realistic, or effective. Since then, researchers have learned that every healthy, sexually mature female has her own internal rhythm (syncopated or otherwise, meaning her rhythm can change from month to month), and our bodies naturally and constantly produce signs indicating where we are in our fertility cycle. With the right knowledge, most of us have the capacity to be as aware of fertile days each month as we are of being on our periods.

Natural Family Planning (NFP) is the art of recognizing these signs, and simply avoiding intercourse during the few number of days each cycle when an egg could be fertilized. Or! If you're trying to make a baby, it's the art of knowing the days on which to have all of the sex. Fertility Awareness Method (FAM) is the same art, only allowing for barrier methods of birth control during potentially fertile days, and then knowing when you're free to lose that restrictive condom, and have the better sex. (Amen?)

It's important to note that these birth control options are for women who are not in danger of contracting STDs. If that is a concern of yours, then I recommend perhaps googling to see if there's a blog post out there entitled, 5 Logical Reasons to Not Have Sex With People Whose Intimate Details You Are Unsure Of. If that post does exist, I bet it's really good. In this one, though, we're just going to stick to issues of fertility and birth control.

Once you're ready to learn more about how NFP and FAM work, I'll point you to some helpful resources. But first, you came here for some logical reasons for why you should consider it in the first place, right? So without further ado:

1. It's organic.
Isn't it interesting how our culture is so concerned about chemicals in food and household appliances, yet completely comfortable with synthetic hormones that trick a woman's body into thinking she's pregnant for years and years so that she never releases her eggs? Why yes, Alanis, it is ironic. We are becoming increasingly aware enough to avoid eating genetically modified organisms (GMOs), and at the same time, we are literally modifying the natural, healthy functions of our own genetic endowments. I'm not saying it's bad to be cautious about GMOs. Food is an important issue, too! Let wheat be wheat, like it was in back them Bible times! And while we're at it, let women's bodies do what they naturally do, as well. It's just healthier.

But women's health is not the only thing at stake. Right now, I'm studying Child Development as a prerequisite for earning a Master's in Marriage and Family Therapy. Check out what Robert S. Feldman wrote in our assigned textbook which he so cleverly titled Child Development, Sixth Edition:

Birth control or fertility pills taken by pregnant women before they are aware of their pregnancy can also cause fetal damage. Such medicines contain sex hormones that affect developing brain structures in the fetus. These hormones, which when produced naturally are related to sexual differentiation in the fetus and gender differentiation after birth, can cause significant damage.

And then he lists his references.

Um, yikes. That does kind of explain a lot, though. Hhhmmm....

2. It's free.
Part of the reason so many of us think that fertility-suppressing birth control is such a good idea is the very same reason why some of us feel drawn to certain brands of mascara or laundry detergent. It's a product that someone is selling you. Pharmaceutical companies make a lot of money from selling synthetic birth control methods to women who don't want to get pregnant, so they first spend a lot of money making sure it seems like the best option. That's probably why we don't hear much about the pill's connection to sex/gender differentiation issues in children. And it's also probably why most women are not aware of our own observable patterns of fertility. No one makes a bazillion dollars from teaching us NFP, and no one spends a gazillion dollars to sell the idea to us, because it costs absolutely nothing. Not out of our pockets, not from our taxes, nothing. Even the best charting apps are free! ...Okay, wait. I lied. You might have to buy a book to learn how to do it, if you're not one of the people I just happen to give one of my own copies to. And you might have to make room in your budget for some paper and ink if you don't have a smartphone or mobile device. You'll be needing one sheet of paper each month. Condoms if you chose the FAM route. But seriously, other than that, no financial transactions involved whatsoever.

3. It's actually not harder than other forms of birth control.
I've heard a lot of women respond to the idea of NFP by saying something like, "Oh, I'm just not disciplined enough to do that." Look, if you can remember to pop a pill in your mouth at the same time every day, or remember to make your doctor's appointments on time to update that IUD, or stop in the middle of an intimate, sensually escalating moment to set-up a rubber barricade, you are more than capable of committing to NFP or FAM. You can probably remember to pop a thermometer in your mouth before you get out of bed in the morning, and check your toilet paper after you wipe. Then, whenever you get on your smart phone, before you check the weather, go on Facebook, or reply to your mom's texts, you can probably remember to go to your charting app, and enter in what you saw. Or, if you are among the digitally challenged, that last sentence should read: When you get to your stack of papers on the counter, before you write a check, read the newspaper, or write a letter to your cousin in Boise, flip to your charting worksheet and jot down what you saw. That's it! There are some nuances you'll have to learn to make sure you're reading things right, but those become second nature once you're familiar with what you're looking for.

You'll end-up with is a nice, organized little chart that gives an overview of your body's internal reproductive activities over the course of a cycle. You may not notice a pattern right away, but after several days (and especially after completing a few cycles to get the hang of it), when you see that spike in your basal body temperature, I guarantee you'll be all like, "Yessss!! It is now time for some good, old fashioned, unprotected sex!"

Just you watch.

Example of an actual chart from a kindara app user. You can see where she ovulated
on the 13th, and since the little hearts indicate when she had sex, this cycle likely
resulted in pregnancy. 

Admittedly, this approach does require a certain level of intelligence to conduct, but since you're still reading this right now, I think you've got it. Plus, we should really be well-educated on what's happening in our bodies regardless of the methods choose. So as far as the whole discipline argument is concerned... Come on, Ladies. Next?

4. It's truly empowering.
There is nothing more inspiring in the mortal human experience than a woman who deeply understands and embraces who she is, how she works, and how she doesn't work. But you probably don't see a lot of that these days, because unfortunately most of us spend a lot of time being confused. We tend to buy into this idea that being strong women means being just like men. I'm convinced, however, that the more we suppress the traits and instincts that make us distinctly female, the more we give up the full, dynamic power of our natural feminine genius.

Women are not men. And contrary to some schools of thought, this is a very good thing. Masculine men are like evergreens--growing steadily, day after day, consistently... green. And what a great color that is, too! But women, in contrast, are deciduous, marking the seasons by growing graceful, radiant flowers as the frost melts away, then spending some time in the lush greenness of their leafy glory, right there with the evergreens, until suddenly she is bursting into vibrant flame-like hues just before going into hibernation, and seeming all but dead unless you break her open and see the life teaming inside, anticipating her next springtime radiance.

What if we concluded that the oak tree's cyclical pattern meant she was less powerful, and therefore, inferior to the unchanging pine tree? If we tried to force a mighty oak to stay green all year round, we may succeed in finding a way to do so, but we would also kill the essence of what makes her so truly vital. The integrity of the entire forrest would be at stake, because the leaves she lets go of are necessary to enrich the soil, not only for herself, but for all other living things around her.

Let the oak change her colors, and let her gentle offerings fall to the ground at the hopeful promise of radiant renewal. Let the pine be ever green. Let the men be ever constant. And let the women be the ones that let everybody know what time it is.

5. When you are ready to start a family, you will have a major advantage.
No waiting for your hormones to go back to normal, or for your eggs to start releasing again. You're there. In fact, you already know how to tell when you're ovulating, so you know when to get those eager little sperm cells racing up your fallopian tubes.

Do I even need to say anything else about this point? Probably not. But just in case you're not quite convinced, let me just add that our nearly 10-month-old son, TJ, is the product of our very first attempt at getting pregnant, after about 11 years of intentionally waiting until we felt mature and stable enough to actually handle such a responsibility. I have never been on birth control, and my husband hates condoms, so there you go!

Of course, there are religious reasons for embracing NFP as well, and as a Catholic Christian, I do have those. But our faith is not actually at odds with sound reason. We embrace both. In fact, some of history's greatest scientists have been Catholics--even monks. All Truth belongs to God. So even if you're not quite interested in hearing the religious arguments in favor of avoiding fertility-suppressing birth control, at least you've been open enough to consider the logical evidence. Thanks for that!

Ready for those helpful resources I mentioned? There are a few of them out there, even classes you can take, so feel free to look around. Personally, I studied the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility to learn how it all works, and I recently switched from paper and started using the Kindara app to chart my cycles on my iPhone. Both are excellent!

*Bonus Reason: It can help detect and pin point potential reproductive problems.
When I originally posted a link to this post on Facebook, one friend named Laura responded by sharing her experience with NFP/FAM.

When we started thinking about trying to have kids, I kicked the pills to the curb and read TCOYF and actually utilised their online forums for support while trying to figure out charting, etc. I was shocked at how little I actually knew about it all. They really need to teach it to young women this way. It's empowering to actually understand your body! Also for me, after seeing that we had perfectly timed, unprotected sex for the better part of a year with no pregnancy, it gave me a sense of power to be able to stand up for myself when I started to visit doctors to figure out what the problem was. They scoffed when I said I charted and used FAM and knew that I was ovulating and that I'd been timing intercourse perfectly. I was my own best advocate, and had I not understood my situation the way I did, I think the entire infertility journey would have just been all the more devastating and confusing.

And so, I was like...

Wow, I had no idea that you had gone through all of that. I know! My doctors and nurses scoffed at me too when I told them that the due date they gave me was a little off, because I knew exactly when TJ was conceived. But it's the same reason that a lot of them scoff at probiotics and other natural remedies that work. The medical industry is a business, and they don't make any money for us having better options.

And she goes...

Yep, took us 3 years to get pregnant with him. Went undiagnosed with endometriosis and fibroids for 2 years, followed by surgery and close to a year of treatment to kill off remaining endo. Like another poster said, what seemed to not make sense actually did make sense and pointed toward endo. I actually fudged my LMP date by a week when I first saw my OB because I knew I ovulated on day 21 that month, not the textbook day 14. I knew they'd not take it seriously and would say baby measured behind, so I just did the math myself... and what do you know he measured exaclty right wink emoticon

Bottom line? It costs you nothing to learn what's naturally taking place in your body. Only good can come of it.

Life for a Child in the Library

Our 9-months-old son, TJ, only sits still for two things at this point: good food, and a good picture book. So I woke up this morning feeling inspired to take him on his first trip to the land of a thousand books. 

After our usual Saturday morning family visit to the coffee shop, my husband, Josh, and I filled out a couple of forms, and voila! We were proud new members of the neighborhood library, all wholesome and such. 

We strolled our little man into a section called “The Children’s Room” which is more like a full-sized library wonderland all by itself. It’s fun, and fresh, and even has a great selection of board books for little TJ’s age bracket. So exciting! And as an added bonus, we found a play area to let TJ out of his stroller and explore things, like he does. He went right up to a kid’s play thingamabob, and I figured he probably wouldn’t get bored with it for some time, because it didn’t belong to him, which always makes toys so much more interesting.  

Within five minutes, a little girl came up, and asked if she could play with the baby. She was maybe around 5-years-old. I said, “Sure! His name is TJ. What’s Yours?” 

We’ll Call Her Lily

Lily started spinning the little gears on the thingamabob, and TJ picked up the motion, so I thanked her for showing him how to do it. She was a bubbly, inquisitive little chatterbox, full of questions. “What’s this? What’s that? Can the baby walk? Can he play with this? Can he talk? Can he play with that? What’s this do?” 

I answered her questions as best I could, because sometimes even grown-ups don’t know what kids’ toys are supposed to do. Some things we just had to sit, and try to figure out together. 

At one point, Lily ran off and came back with a large stack of books she planned to build a house out of. “Great idea!” I said. “Then, you can read the walls, and look at all the fun pictures all the time! I wish all houses were made of books!”

She didn’t say anything, but her smile seemed to say that she thought so, too. TJ, Lily and I had ourselves a fun little time while my husband went off to explore the other sections of our beautiful, new library. 

I originally took a few pics to share on Instagram.
Little did I know the reality of the moment I was capturing.

About 30 minutes went by, and it was almost time for lunch, so we started saying our goodbyes to Lily. 

“Are you coming back?” she asked. 

“Yes, we’ll come back,” I replied. “Maybe we’ll see you here again.”

“Are you coming back today?”

“No, probably not today. But a different day, for sure.” 

“Is the baby coming back?”

“Well, he can’t come back by himself, but we will bring him back when we come.”

“I’m here all by myself.”

“You’re here all by yourself?” I repeated, thinking she was playing another make believe role. 

“Uh-huh,” she said. “My mama went to work. Ain’t nobody here with me.”

I just looked at her. Her face had become very serious, and for a brief moment I thought she might cry. But she just started wiggling again, instead. I was still not sure if I was supposed to believe her for real, or if she was just making things up because she didn't want us to leave. 

A woman had been sitting at one of the kiddie tables a few yards away, and every now and then she would look up at us, so I assumed that was the girl’s mother. I walked over to the lady, and motioned towards Lily. 

“Is she yours?” I asked. 

She looked at me a little surprised, and shook her head no. Then, I probably looked a bit surprised myself. But you know who did not look surprised?

“Oh, not again,” was the Librarian’s response when we told her there was a little girl claiming to be there all by herself. Frustrated, yes. But surprised? No. Apparently, it’s not unusual for the library staff to discover that a small child had been left there alone.  

Thankfully, I am only crazy in ways that are generally not harmful to children in any way. But what if I had been someone else?

I pointed Lily out to the Librarian, and told her the girl’s name. We checked out our baby books, and as we left, I overheard the Librarian approach the little girl. “Are your here with someone?” she asked.

“Yes,” Lily replied, nodding her head.

“Who are you here with?”

She said nothing at first. Then, as if surrendering in a corner, “Nobody.” 

“Should we do something?” I asked Josh, who assured me that we already did do something, and that the library staff knows what to do, and would take good care of her. 

What Kind of Mother?

It’s been several hours now. We’ve eaten our lunch. TJ is down for his afternoon nap. And I haven’t been able to stop thinking about Lily. I can’t help but wonder what happened after we left. What will happen to her later? I noticed she didn’t say her parents were at work. Just her mama. How will they confront the woman? Will they call the police? I hope they took Lily to the cafe area, and gave her something to eat. I hope she’ll be okay. 

At a different time in my life, I would have found it very easy to judge her irresponsible mother, blaming her entirely. She is what’s wrong with society! Am I right!? 

But that response does not come naturally to me anymore. As a new mom myself, my heart simply breaks for such a woman who felt her best option was to leave her child at a public library, and not with friends or family. Does she not have any? Or are they just that unreliable? I’m not saying that she did the right thing. I’m saying that maybe she couldn’t.

There are moments when my husband stops in the middle of whatever it is we’re doing, looks right at me, and sincerely tells me that I am a great mother. He thanks me for giving him such a beautiful son. And, I tell him that I could not be a good mother if he wasn’t such a good father. Neither of us are perfect, but we are in this together for the long haul. TJ is stuck with us both.

I also have a caring support system made of friends and family, and—I’ma just be real wit’ya—a therapist, a new mom support group, a Mommy’s Morning Out program, and a Catholic nun as my spiritual director. I have all of these people, plus a LOT of prayer, and just a tiny smidgen of anxiety medication, because yep! This is what it takes for me to feel like I’ve got a handle on being responsible for another human life in such a precarious world as this one. Some of these things I probably—hopefully—will not need forever. But here in the beginning? When my post-pregnancy body still feels so foreign, and my son is still not quite grasping the native tongue, and the challenges of new motherhood are still bringing up all kinds of issues from my own childhood that I now have the adventure of working through as an adult? You betcha! This chick needs HELP!!  

And even with all of this support, there are still days when I find this whole motherhood thing to be so overwhelming, like I am definitely losing my mind, and I wonder how any of us mommy creatures are able to come across as even remotely sane. 

I mean, do we though? Is anyone pulling that off? ‘Cause, good for you, lady! Whoever you are! You go! 

But what kind of mother would I be if I didn’t have all of this support? What kind of mother would I be for my son without his father doing his part? I can tell you right now. A lot more desperate than great.

Then What?

I noticed a good friend of mine post on Facebook that there was a nationwide rally to defund Planned Parenthood earlier today. The organization’s underground practice of selling fetal body parts has given fresh fuel to the fire of the pro-life movement. This volatile issue that the media would not touch for a long time is now back in headlines in a way that forces us to see beyond the “women’s rights” mantra to the fact that there really are tiny human lives involved here. 

I didn’t make it to the pro-life rally. Instead, while that was happening in another part of town, I was sitting on the floor in the children’s section of the library trying to explain to a lonely little girl that the toy we were looking at didn’t work, because the magnet was missing. And also, attempting to explain to her what a magnet is. 

Then, I went home and made chicken salad wraps wondering what Lily’s mother was like. Perhaps she had been a teenager when she had her. I imagined that maybe she went to an abortion clinic to consider her options when some brave pro-lifer outside the building talked her into keeping the baby. So she did. And that pro-lifer saved Lily’s life. Awesome!

Then what? 

For Life

My good friend, Kelly, just recently started an organization called Seneca, Choices for Life. It’s not your typical crisis pregnancy outreach. Among its many valiant goals, Seneca doesn’t just seek to convince pregnant women to keep their babies. They actually seek to help support these women in their motherhood by helping them with resources they’ll need, such as completing their educational goals, finding jobs, and finding childcare once they get one of those jobs. And get this! They even want to help fathers with the resources they need to be good daddies too, because they still realize that men are actually an important part of the parenting equation.  

Right now, Seneca is a tiny movement with an enormous vision. But I believe they’re onto something, because a truly pro-life vision gets the whole picture of the struggle for life, and it is an enormous picture. Abortion is not an isolated issue; it is a symptom of a massive, systematic brokenness in our culture. Trying to address the abortions by themselves is like trying to cut the golden flower off of a dandelion and hoping that it'll die. Everyone knows it'll grow back. Everyone knows you have to get the root, and those roots are deep. 

Photo courtesy Botanical.com.

It’s not enough to convince a frightened, unprepared pregnant woman to accept her responsibility as a mother. It is everything to let her know that she will not be doing it alone. 

And yet, that’s the very reason there aren’t many organizations like Seneca yet. It takes a moment’s worth of courage to stand on the side of the road, hold a sign and pray, but it takes an entire paradigm shift and lifestyle change to say that—when no one else will—we will help share in the responsibility for the very lives we are trying to save. We will help carry that load. 

That is what it truly means to be pro-life. And that is much harder than just saying, “Congratulations on your new baby! We are so glad you made the right choice! Now, may God bless you while you’re on your way! We hope you'll write!” 

What do we even mean by that? Are we not His hands and feet?

God, Help Us.

Maybe Josh is right. Maybe the library staff knows what to do, and how to take good care of Lily. If that’s the case, maybe they’ll inform the rest of us, and it'll all be settled. I’m guessing it isn’t the case, though. None of us really know what to do. But maybe we do have some ideas we could bring to the table. Maybe even a literal table, like at a Seneca meeting with people gathered around one. 

Because sometimes even grown-ups don’t know how to fix things that are broken. That’s when we have to just sit, and try to figure it out together. 

Jesus Wore Sandals: A Reminder To My Fellow Catholics

My dear Catholic Brother and Sisters,

We need to have a little pow wow. And I’m going to hold the talking stick for a moment, if you don’t mind. 

First, I want you to know that I love you, and I am so happy to be at home among you. It’s very important that we start there.

Second, I would like to remind everyone that Jesus wore sandals. And sometimes, Mother Teresa wore socks with her sandals. 

(Again, remember that first thing I told you! I love you! You’re so beautiful!) 

So why am I bringing up Jesus’ sandals and Mother Teresa’s sock/sandal combo? Well, I just feel like maybe some of us need to recall this, because I am a former non-denominational evangelical, and most of my friends and family think I’m a little nuts for becoming Catholic. But I know what I’ve discovered (what's discovered me), and I’d like to be able to help them understand. It’s just that I can’t do it by myself. I need your help. You see, they think we’re the modern day Pharisees, all self-righteous and missing the point in our fancy rituals, and it would be awesomely helpful if we could stop proving them right so much.

(I love yooous!!!)

For example, my brother in-law, D, is also a former non-denominational evangelical, but instead of becoming Catholic, he’s now atheist/agnostic-ish/why label it? I have been able to have a few small conversations with him about the Catholic Church, though, when he brings it up. He’s a police officer, and on some of his off days, he works security for a Catholic Church in the wealthiest part of town. He once told me he thinks it’s neat that everyone seems to be on the same page, unified during Mass. He didn't know it, but he was actually touching on a common, and deep longing of so many non-denoms of our generation. So I was able to explain to him a little bit about our liturgy and how not only are they all on the same page in that particular Mass, but the whole Roman Catholic Church is literally on the same page all over the globe during Mass, including myself. He said it was a nice parish, and that I should try it out when we move back to town. 

I’m glad he has good things to say about it.

But then, last week happened…

D told my husband (his brother) that he got—in his own words—b*%ched out by a parishioner because of a man that seemed like he didn’t belong there. 

You see, this is an Italian suit with Prada shoes kind of parish, which is fine. That’s the culture they live in, so that’s how they dress. But apparently, a man came in wearing socks and sandals, obviously not very wealthy or stylish, and a little odd. 

And apparently, this was a problem. 

A parishioner approached D and said something like, “You need to keep an eye on that man. He obviously doesn’t belong here.” 

(Hold on... Excuse me while I pause for a moment and let the smoke from my nostrils clear so I can see what I’m typing here… ahem…) 

D said he was on it. He saw the man, and didn’t think he was a threat. Just different. 

Then, my bro-in-law had to step out and make a quick phone call, and when he came back, that’s when the parishioner b*&ched him out. This man was irate, telling D that the odd man could be there to shoot the priest, and he’s going to tell the Pastor that D isn’t doing his job. 

You see, my dear spiritual Catholic family… 

This is why people don’t like us. 

I wish I could say that it’s because we’re so holy that evil is repulsed by us, but usually, it’s just because we tend to think we’re better than everyone else while simultaneously being worse. We say we’re Christ’s Church, and then act like we have no idea who Christ is or what He is about. 

This makes the devil’s job way too easy. In fact, I'm pretty sure Satan kicked his feet up after that one, and said, "You've got this. Wake me up when Mass is over. I'm just gonna take a little cat nap."  

I do understand why some of us are a little nervous and paranoid right now. After all, so many cultural and legislative trends seem to be undermining what we’re about, and we’re wondering what that means for us as we now have to make so many distinctions between the values of our country and the values of our faith. How hard is this going to get for us? We don't know for sure. And that bomb that went off during Mass at the Catholic Church in New Mexico does not help us feel better at all. 

I told D that the bombing is probably why the paranoid guy was freaking out, and I thanked D for making sure the parishioners are safe. And then we joked about it a little, because that’s what we do in uncomfortable situations. 

Text conversation with D. 

Look, friends…

I know that I’m still kind of the new girl, and I still have so much to learn. And I love learning it! But at the same time, I know Christ in His Church, and I began to know Him outside of it, too. If I may, there are some things I would like to help us all understand about how we can better conduct ourselves in order to be who we are meant to for this generation of God-seekers. 

The reason I told the story about D, the Socks and Sandals Man, and the Paranoid Parishioner is not to point fingers and be angry at my nervous Catholic brother. I bring it up so we can turn the magnifying glass onto ourselves to see where we might be missing the point, too. 

How many of us—like the Pharisees eating with Jesus when that strange woman came in and started washing his feet with her tears and hair (Luke 7:36-50)—get really upset when someone who “doesn’t belong” presumes to welcome themselves into our home, looking for the One we’re sharing a meal with?

How many of us forget that the people in our everyday community—like the unbelieving police officer working security on his day off—are watching us to see how we respond to life’s challenges? And what they see tells them what we believe about God. 

When you read the story I just told, did you recognize that the odd man in socks and sandals was not only someone Jesus loves, but that he was Jesus Himself (Matthew 25:37-45)? 

I hope so. 

But say that the Socks and Sandals Man had come to Mass with the intention of shooting the priest. I know this is hard for us comfortable Americans (becoming less comfortable?), but when we are fully who we are meant to be, wouldn’t we understand that our true concern is how we can help rescue a man who would do such a thing, and not how we can rescue ourselves from danger? 

Because that is like Jesus. And that is what we’re supposed to be.   

Because fear is natural. But peace and charity are supernatural. And we have access to that. 

I say this as one of your own, but also, as an ambassador from a generation of non-denominational, evangelical Christians who were raised to love Jesus, but as we grew older, saw all the holes in our understanding. Some of us went deeper; some of us went away. But we are all looking for the Truth. And I know that what so many of my peers are longing for is the reality of the Catholic faith. They just can't see it past all of the Catholics. I know Holy Mother Church is home to all Christians, and that as followers of Christ, we need to resolve our issues from within her graces, united as one the way Christ intended. Not fractured as we are. 

But what do you know about us? 

Do you know that most of us were first generation non-denominational evangelicals because our parents were raised Catholic, and left because some other version of Christianity was more open to the movements of Grace and the Holy Spirit? 

Do you know that our parents told us they never knew Jesus loved them until they left the Catholic Church and, in their words, “Became Christian"? 

Do you know that they thought Catholicism was all about rules, shame and empty religion? And so did I? 

Do you know that they were raised in the Church their whole lives, and didn’t understand who she was at all, because the sins of the people got in the way? 

Do we understand who Holy Mother Church is? 

Do we understand who we are as part of who she is? 

Or are we getting in her way?

As one of you now, I see why they need to be here, and I also see why they left. 

I love you, my dearest Church. I love what we are called to be. So let’s pray for the courage to be that. And it will take courage for everyone involved. Because if you think it's scary when odd people walk through the doors of our parishes, try to imagine what it's like to be that odd person. I can tell you, it's uncomfortable. Walking into a Catholic Church when you're not Catholic is pretty much terrifying and weird. We could stand to ease the minds of those who work up enough nerve to actually do it. We could make them feel welcomed, like, "Oh, good! You're finally here! We've been waiting for you! Come sit by us! And just let us know if you have any questions, okay? Even if we don't know the answer, we'll find it together. It'll be neat."

What if we were more excited to see people who obviously don't belong than we are to see our friends who obviously do? And what if we met their curiosity, even apprehension, with joy and humility and kind wisdom?

What if we said, "Hey, I like your socks! Where did you get them?"

Because walking into a Catholic Church is a challenging thing to do, but never walking into one is so much worse. 

…Okay, I think I’m done now.

Would anyone else like to hold the talking stick? 

Caitlyn Jenner and the Case for "Siya"

The internet is exhausting these days, isn’t it? All of these extreme controversies and passionate tirades sandwiched between the adorable pictures of your former coworker’s niece, you cousin’s paleo lunch creation, and some hilarious cat memes. 

The other day, I got sucked into one of those debates in the comment section of a Facebook post. You know, the kind where you find yourself arguing with strangers, and/or people you haven’t seen since that one hairstyle you’re now embarrassed about. And you end up hating yourself afterwards, because that's what you did instead of what you meant to do, which was be a responsible, productive human being for the day. 

It was good, though! It was a conversation about Caitlyn Jenner. Even though I had been a quiet observer about the issue until that point, that didn’t mean I wasn’t thinking about it, and trying to process the story along with everyone else. So the time had finally come for me to start articulating how I feel about h…

H….?

As I started writing about h… Jenner… I found myself pausing at several H’s, having minor panic attacks trying to decide which gender-specific pronoun to use. Him? Her? H-h-h-h…

Yes, I know which one I am supposed to use for the sake of political correctness and not sounding ignorant. But I also know the one I want to use—the one my gut tells me is more correct—and it is not the same one. 

Then, there’s my experience working in the professional news industry where I learned how much it really doesn’t matter which one you use. Someone is going to get offended, and tell you in a very condescending way that you’re doing it wrong. That’s often when the conversation derails, becoming a conflict about the words we use rather than whatever story it was that happened to have a transgender or transexual person in it.     

But, trust me, this is not the first time the use of gender-specific pronouns has caused minor delays in my conversations.

Ask my mom.

"Siya"  

My mother is from the Philippines—a far off, tropical island country with rice patties, beaches, volcanos and a national language that contains zero gender-specific pronouns. They just don’t exist in Tagalog the same way they do in English. There is no “he” or “she”. Everyone is “siya” (pronounced "sha"). That’s why, even after nearly 40 years of speaking English in the States, sometimes my mom still gets confused, and refers to me as “he” or “him”, and I'm like, "Mom, sheeeee! I'm a girl!" 

And she’s all, “Oh! Yeah, sorry! Hahaha!” 

Okay, I know that is a completely different situation, but there’s a point here. The words we use are subjective. They’re symbols. We make them up, and assign them meaning in effort to describe reality to each other, and make life a shared experience.

For example, the word gay is a symbol that used to mean happy, right? Then it became slang for homosexual, and now it’s an official term. A rainbow meant God wouldn't flood the earth anymore, and Love Wins was a phrase more associated with Rob Bell than SCOTUS. But now, these symbols have other meanings assigned to them as well. And they only work—communication is only possible—if the speaker and the listener are on the same page about what the symbols mean.

The Emperor is Naked

So now, our popular culture wants to change the meaning of the words man, woman, he, she, him and her. Well… Okay, then. Let’s just get on same page about our terms, so we can start communicating again. 

But just so you know, changing the words we use to describe reality will not actually change the objective Truth we’re attempting to describe in this situation. Whatever the word woman means doesn't change the fact that there is a fundamental difference between my organic female anatomy and biology, and Caitlyn's "female" anatomy and biology. 

Yes. This successful male Olympian who regained the spotlight on a reality TV show about a privileged American family decided he wanted to become his true self by becoming a herself. So he started the synthetic hormones, got chest implants to resemble mammaries, and (I don’t know, but I’m guessing) had his genitals inverted into the shape of a vagina? Oh, and by the way, also has great stylists and make-up artists that make him look like a retired super model fighting the cruel hands of time.

Fascinating! The things science can accomplish these days, no? I’m curious... Were they able to fit him with a fully functional uterus and ovaries as well? Does he release an egg each month, and have two X chromosomes in every strand of DNA in his body? Could we chat over a glass of wine, and maybe bond in reminiscing about our first periods?

Sometimes the whole thing makes me feel like that little kid standing in the crowd, watching that naked Emperor ride down the street, hearing everyone comment on how fine the Emperor’s new clothes are. I just have to tell you; I don’t see what you’re seeing. Maybe I am the one missing something, but I really think it’s the Emperor that’s missing something.

Photo courtesy whatsthepont.com.

Does anyone else see this? How are we not all seeing this?

We’re losing ourselves in agreeing that Bruce has found himself as a woman.

If we're still hoping, at all, that the way we understand and describe reality is actually in line with the reality our Creator designed for us, then I think we're getting off track by requiring that everyone call transgender and transexual individuals by the sex they believe they are, rather than the sex that observable evidence proves they are. 

I'd rather just take a cue from the Filipinos and do away with gender-specific pronouns all together. That way, I wouldn’t feel obligated to call someone a she when the person fathered children. Hello?! I’d rather just say siya with a sense of integrity, and move on with my life having fewer conversations derailed by gender pronoun chaos.

Truth Is Not A Dodo Bird

For those of us who find the Theology of the Body breath-taking—and ultimately true—and who may be concerned that wisdom is threatening to become extinct in all of this...  Fear not. Truth is not a dodo bird. Sure, it’s current habitat may be threatened, but real Truth learns to thrive in any condition. Sometimes it even thrives better in the dark.

We know that the reality of our human sexuality is written in the very structure of our beings. It is, literally, how life continues to move forward. Surgery and semantics cannot even touch it. Not really.  

So when we are compelled to speak about it, even if we are considered archaic and closed-minded, may our voices be neither shaky nor shouting. May we continue to learn what it means to speak—live—the Truth in Love, remembering that God is both of these things, and we can’t have one without the other. After all, most of the people we know who are fiercely defending Jenner are actually just trying to be compassionate, which is something that God is. I do believe their compassion is at the misguided expense of sound reason, but no one is better off for having sound reason at the expense of compassion. 

Of Reptiles and Men

Our 8-month-old son is in that constant babbling stage of learning to talk. For the past several days, he’s been fixated on saying “butt” over and over again. He has no idea what it means, of course, he just loves making the sound. This phase has been particularly interesting during the silent pauses of Sunday Mass. Sometimes, we help him out with some conversational context, just for fun.

Someday, he’ll learn the meanings assigned to that sound, and why mommy and daddy thought it was so funny at the time. He’ll probably think it’s funny too! He’ll also learn the meaning of other sounds, and maybe he’ll say, “Mommy! I’m a dinosaur!” And I’ll say, “Oh yeah? Well, I’m a bigger dinosaur!” And I’ll roar at him, and chase him around the house as he screams. 

At some point, I’ll probably notice he’s doing the pee pee dance. So I’ll take him to the potty, and teach him to aim his little male organ at the toilet water, because in reality, he’s a human boy. We’ll teach him that’s what he is. And just maybe, I’ll pray to God that he doesn’t someday get very confused, and end-up looking like this guy who, by the way, is also not a real reptile (unless we want to change the meaning of the word “reptile” as well. Just let me know). 

Reptile Man. Photo courtesy Pinterest.com.

We will eventually tell our son that we don’t create reality; we just try our best to understand it, interpret it, and participate in it. That’s what words and symbols are for. And sometimes the meaning of our symbols change, but Truth does not. That’s because God is Truth’s Author and Creator. God even created us, and teaches us who we are, and I hope you spend your life seeking Siya.